Sunday, June 9, 2013


The city lights winked by me as I drove down the almost empty freeway. No place to go, nowhere to be. Just me and a million miles of road ahead. Oh, and the hundred thousand dollars I stole from my ex-fiance. The jerk. Yeah. The one with the big fancy car in the big fancy house on the big fancy beach. the one who stood me up at the alter to boink my money-hungry best friend, Dinah. His name is Derek. Derek Grayson III. Maybe I should start from the beginning.

I was born and raised in a small town on the outskirts of Maine. There weren't many kids to play with or much to do, so I spent the majority of my teenage years helping my dad fix cars at his shop.

[on notebook paper I found written by me, God only knows when...]

Tuesday, June 4, 2013

DREAM: am I really a man?

Had a strange dream last night. Only remember bits of it, but definitely remember how REAL it felt, so I don't know what that says about me..... but here goes anyway:

Me and my friend Kelly were, well, friends. We played together on a very competitive volleyball team. She was super tall, super pretty, super popular and for whatever reason, I was her absolute best friend on earth. We did everything together, you would've thought we were sisters. I remember that in the dream it seemed as if we were getting closer and closer. Every time there was a party or a sleepover or an away-game we'd always share the same sleeping bag or bed or even if we were just hanging out, we'd, like, cuddle while we were watching tv. I never really thought anything of it, it just seemed naturally comfortable and that was all. Then things started getting weird around the other players of the team. They were always looking at me funny and Kelly would whisper to them, but I never knew what she was saying. Then one night the whole team was hanging out, watching a movie and me and Kelly were towards the front of the room, laying on the ground. I was laying on my side and Kelly right behind me, laying in the same direction but kind of propped up on her side and one arm was kind of casually draped over me, too. For some reason, the whole team got onto Kelly and I don't remember much detail after that. Just that I could hear bits and pieces of what she was whisper-yelling to them. Something about how she was finally happy and couldn't they just deal with it, that she'd found the love of her life but that she still had some things she had to work on before everything was resolved. This is where I kind of went, wait what? I had a feeling she was talking about me, but in my head, we were JUST friends. I never even thought to think of her as anything else. But then it gets even weirder. Suddenly we're alone in someone's trailer or something and I'm crying and pissed off because she had embarrassed me. I didn't want anyone thinking I was a lesbian or anything. I could care less about whether she was or anyone else was, but I knew I just wasn't. THEN she hits me with the fact that I am a male instead of a female. Excuse me, what?!? All I remember is her saying "I didn't even know until after I'd already fallen in love with you" and that since she had found out, she'd been trying to find a way to tell me. (I have no clue how she came to the realization that I was a man? I vaguely remember her pointing or doing something to my leg and/or neck). It was all just very strange. But I remember how real it felt when she told me I was really a man and let me tell you, that is a scary predicament to be put in. I immediately woke up and was beyond freaked out.